I was fed up.
My hair was becoming very expensive to upkeep and it seemed like I was not making progress or maintaining a neat look how I wanted to. So I cut my hair, but obviously this was premeditated to an extent.
I had always dreamed about cutting my hair later down the line when I was older, more mature, and wanted to spend less time on my hair. I guess the “spend less time and less money” aspect escalated those plans. But it was looking more and more enticing especially with role models like Cynthia Erivo who sports her TWA (teeny weeny afro) with the perfect hair color for her skin type.
The Actual Cut + Style
So in September, just before my Golden Birthday, I cut my hair. I loved the cut and color that I went with and was very happy with my decision despite the adjustment period. I found freedom in not having so much “baggage” around my face and neck and the fresh look helped me redefine my identity as I became accustomed to life in Dallas.
I started with a cute fro and then trained my hair for waves. My first coloring treatment was professional and then I bleached/colored my own hair once. Nick and I were hair twins for a bit too. It was a cool bonding experience. He started to keep up with his waves more too. Visits to the barber were fun, getting to know him, and being there with Nick worked well. I enjoyed the experience thoroughly, but now I’m on a mission to grow my TWA out.
I began to miss my locks in about October when I noticed that my weight gain had a huge effect on my facial structure. I was able to hide behind the locks before but now it was much easier to tell that I had packed on some pounds. I already knew this as my weight started to inch up before the wedding due to stress and after the wedding due to, well, more stress and the move.
What began as a simple hair journey became a wellness journey. It became clear that I had to lose weight before my health became a major concern. This wasn’t the determining factor in cutting my hair, but it helped identify an underlying need.
The Decision: Breakdown
Now don’t get me wrong, I love my short hair AND my locked hair but I began to constantly reflect on each decision I made with my hair. This journey turned out to be one of discovery.
I love my locks and I wanted them back.
When I cut my hair I knew that I would be leaving a community of strong and empowered men and women with locs. But once I was out, I missed it so much! I was in an exclusive club of dedicated people in tune with their hair. I know that my hair does not define who I am but it is a defining aspect of who I am. I wear my hair short or locked because that’s what I’ve chosen for a period in my life. I’m not in a mental space where I want locs again. That’s it!
My Next (Exciting) Steps!
There are two decisions that I can make. When I cut my hair I was told that I can keep my locs and have them reinstalled at a later time. That gave me a reason to cut my hair all the more! The finality of it all was taken away. It’s a great option to have and I can get the style right back instantly.
My other option is to grow new locks and that is also an appealing option. I would be able to take better care of my new forming locs. I can make sure that they maintain their shape and integrity. There is a belief that locs hold past energy (positive/negative), so new locs help you start fresh. So keeping that in mind with my hair, I may want to start with fresh locs.
I’m not sure if I want to commit four years again to get to where I was before but honestly my mind changes every day. As I look back on pictures from 2015-2018, I really like the way that my hair laid. So having the opportunity to relive those short loc years still appeal to me. I also have the advantage of saving less money to get new locs installed. But the maintenance in the early days may add up to what I would pay for my reinstall.
Obviously I have a decision to make that will truly impact my next few months and/or years but I know for sure that I do want to have my locs again.
I do not regret cutting my hair because it taught me what I truly want to do with my hair at this time. Since high school, I’ve always wanted to change my hairstyle from year to year. Being at a point in which I know I can commit to a style has shown that I have really grown.